


In the long run

by WolfBlue7713



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: #alltypesofnature, #angstyacorn, #forestexpertise, #trees, #youwillbefound, Bad family, Deh - Freeform, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionless, Evan is an angsty acorn, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Family, First story, Home Problems, Life Problems, Lots of Angst, M/M, Relationship Problems, She's Amazing, So much angst it hurts, Soulmates, comments plz, connor and alana, connor and evan, connor is such a jerk, dear evan hansen - Freeform, evan and connor soulmates, evan and zoe, evan problems, hope it goes well, i am horrible at tags, i dont know what other tags to add, idk what im doing, im shit at this, mike faist - Freeform, perfect family, subscribe, subscribe to my friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-07-06 22:52:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfBlue7713/pseuds/WolfBlue7713
Summary: Evan Hansen was fine with his life. His sucky, horrible, anxious, life, but his life all the same. but then it gets... unpredictable. Will he still love his life, or even want to keep living it at all?





	1. Life sucks

**Author's Note:**

> first story I hope it goes well  
> Plz subscribe to bdiddy150, my personal amazing friend and read and comment on her story! its amazing!!!

Evan Hansen walked down the hallway, emotionless.

Of course, this was no surprise because in order to be not emotionless, he would have to meet his soulmate. And Evan was convinced that he didn't have a soulmate.

I mean, who would like Evan? He was an angsty acorn. As people would always say, Evan was weird. He didn't talk to people, and they didn't try to talk to him. But that was because most people didn't know he existed. He was a ghost of a person, just fading in and out of places, never being seen. People might catch a glimpse of him somewhere, but when they turned to look, he wouldn't be there.

Such as now, when everyone in gym class was being chosen for dodge-ball teams. Everyone, except Evan, of course. Evan usually just hid in the bathroom for gym class, but today they were having the floors redone, so it was blocked.

Evan was picked last. The respective teams set up on either side of the court.

When the coach blew the whistle, balls started flying.

Naturally, about 15 balls decided to hit Evan all at once. he hit the ground. Evan saw balls fly over his head as he lied there, stunned. he gradually eased himself up, going slowly so he could avoid being hit by any other balls.

He got up and managed to only get hit by five balls on his way over to the bleachers. New record.

When he made it to the bleachers, he sat down heavily.

Eventually, he couldn't stand the laughing looks from the others at being the first one out, so he walked up to the coach.

"What do you want, Hansen?" He asked.

"Can I, uh, can i g-go to the, to the bathroom, c-coach?" Evan asked.

"Hurry up, Hansen. God, can't you control your bladder?" He asked, annoyed. Evan's face burned.

Embarrassment was as close to an emotion as he got. Now if only he could get the others, he might actually have something good in his life.

He turned and went through the door that led to the stairs. he trudged up the stairs, and when he made it to the top, he stopped in his tracks.

Ahead of him, he saw the Murpheys.

Zoe Murphy was a beautiful, smart, amazing person, and Evan had had a crush on her since he had arrived at this school seven years earlier. She had a bubbly personality, and her smile could light up the room.

Connor Murphy, her older brother, was an... interesting person. There were more rumors about him in this school than actual facts about him.

Their whole family was beautiful and dirty rich. Larry and Cynthia Murphy both had jobs that paid super well.

Even, on the other hand, was not rich. By any means. He and his mom, Heidi Hansen, lived alone in the suburbs of their town.

Heidi worked at the hospital, took classes at night, and was gone a lot of the time. But Evan didn't mind. he was accustomed to taking care of himself. His dad had left them when Evan was young. It had torn up his mom. Evan didn't feel anything towards his dad, as much as he wanted to. If he ever had the chance to see his dad again, he didn't know what he would do.

Evan continued walking forward when he was aware that if someone saw him just standing there, staring at the Murpheys, someone might call him weirder than he already was, and he didn't need that.

He walked past them in the hall, and Zoe accidentally turned and ran into him.

"Oh! I am so, so sorry!" Zoe said, reaching down to help him up. She took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Are you ok, ...?" She trailed off, not knowing his name.

"E-Evan. Evan H-Hansen." He stuttered.

"Sorry, Evan. Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah. I'm, I'm fine." He said. His already uncontrollable stuttering became a nightmare in front of Zoe.

"Who's this?" Larry Murphy said, coming up next to Zoe.

Zoe turned to her father, and only then did Evan realize that Zoe was still holding his hand. She didn't let go, however, and instead laced her fingers with his.

"Dad, this is my friend, Evan." Friend? What is she talking about? "Nice to meet you, Evan." Larry said, walking away. 

"Sup Zoe. Hansen." Connor said, coming up to them. 

"How d-do, uh, how do you k-know m-my name?" Evan asked meekly. He was really, really confused. 

"You're the kid in the back of the class that never says anything and always manages to disappear as if by magic. Yeah, i know you." Connor said.

"Oh." Evan said.

"So, Evan, what class are you escaping from?" Zoe asked.

Evan was stunned at how familiar the Murpheys were around him at literally meeting him two minutes ago.

"Gym." Evan said.

"Good class to skip." Zoe said.

"Uh, thanks." Evan said.

"Well, we got to go. See you, Evan." Zoe said, releasing his hand and waving before walking away.

He stared after them, thoroughly confused. he had a feeling that his life just got way more complicated.


	2. You'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's life changed in a matter of minutes when the crazy-rich Murpheys just accept him into their circle. He's being noticed now for the first time in his life. But is that a good thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey i hope you guys like it so far  
> WARNINGS:  
> Bullying  
> mental problems  
> smoking  
> Drugs
> 
> Hey please go subscribe to my friend Bdiddy150, my personal amazing friend. Check out her story, too! Its amazing!

Evan started when a hand touched his shoulder. He had fallen asleep on the couch in his living room, waiting for his mom to come home. He had a question for her that he had never even considered before.  
He looked up at his mom.  
"Mom, d-did you and, and dad get y-your emotions? With with each other?"  
She sat down next to him.  
"Why do you want to know, sweetie?" She asked, not answering his question.  
"Just, uh, just just curious."  
His mom looked up to the ceiling.  
"Kind of. I got mine." She said, not looking at him.  
"What do you mean?" Evan asked.  
"I got my emotions, but your father didn't. When he left, apparently he found another woman and they both got their emotions. He never felt as if we truly belonged together, so he took it upon himself to fix the problem." She shrugged. "I guess it was for the best."  
"Do, do you ever... ever re-regret m-marrying him?" Evan asked.  
"Absolutely not." She said without hesitation.  
"Why?" He asked, confused.  
"Because then i wouldn't have you." She said, cupping his cheek.  
Evan looked down.  
"What's wrong, hon?" She asked.  
"I- I met the Murphys to-today."  
"The Murphys?" Heidi asked.  
"Some really rich kids that go to my school. Connor and Zoe."  
"Zoe?" She asked, a smile spreading over her face. "The Zoe you always talk about?"  
"I d-don't? al-always talk about her, that is." Evan said.  
"Wait, Evan, did you get your emotions?" Heidi asked, excited.  
"N-no. No. I was uh, just wondering? Be-because i, i touched Zoe, and and i didn't. Get emotions." Evan said, looking at the ground again.  
"Oh." Heidi said.  
"I-I'm going to to go? To to bed? I'm I'm tired." Evan said, unable to stand his mom's disappointed face.  
"Ok, hon. that's fine." Heidi said, smiling at him. He saw a lot in that smile. His mom's stress from her work, the late nights, the constant worry. worry for him, for the world, for everything in her uncontrollable, tiring life.  
It made him wish that he could have emotions just so he could relate to her. possibly make her life so much easier.

He trudged up the stairs and flopped down in his bed. 

The next morning, he woke up to that god-awful sound of a beeping alarm. and not just any alarm sound. that really REALLY annoying one that beeps constantly and makes you want to bash your head against a wall.  
Evan groggily reached over and shut it off.  
He rolled out of bed and went to go brush his teeth. on his way there, he passed by his mom's room. Her door was open and she was looking at one of the only pictures she had left of herself and Evan's dad. Before he could move on, she spotted him in the doorway.  
"Good morning, Evan. Did you sleep well?" She asked, a tired smile on her face.  
"Yes?" He said it more as a question than an answer.  
"That's good. I'll be right down to make you breakfast." She said.  
"Oh. I- I'm fine. I'll just, um, have cereal?"  
"Oh. Ok, then, sweetie. Have a good day at school."  
"T-thanks." Evan said, and hurried off. After brushing his teeth, running a comb through his hair and putting on khakis and a striped shirt, he decided to forgo the cereal and just went on his way.  
When he made it into school, he immediately out of habit hugged the walls on his way to his locker. When he got there, he started to get his books but was roughly shoved from behind. he hit his head on his locker.  
"Look, it's Mr. Stutter. Heard you've been making friends with the Murphys, huh, Mr. Stutter?" Evan turned and found Jared Kleinman and his posse behind him. Jared shoved him again. "I asked you a question, Mr. Stutter." He smiled maliciously. "Or should I say, M-M-M-Mr. S-S-S-Stu-Stutter?" He asked mockingly.  
"I-I d-don't know wh-what you your your talking, a-about?" Evan said.  
They laughed.  
People had always mocked Evan for his stutter, but Jared was relentless. He had tormented Evan since grade school, and Evan had no idea why.  
"What? You gonna go cry to daddy? Oh wait, you can't, can you? He left you. He left BECAUSE OF YOU. Remember that, Stutter boy?" Jared sneered.  
Evan turned and ran, shoving his way through the crowd and back out the school doors. he ran into the forest near the school. He didn't slow down until he was far in. As he slowed to a walk, he named every tree he passed to try and calm himself down. He had taken a liking to nature and trees in particular when he would hide in the woods so he didn't have to hear his mother's crying.  
"Redwood maple pine oak dogwood..." He mumbled. He eventually crouched by a large maple tree to try to collect his thoughts.  
He wouldn't let Jared get into his head.  
He wouldn't let Jared get into his head.  
He wouldn't let Jared get into his head.  
He wouldn't let Jared get into his head.  
But was it true? Did Evan's dad leave because of him?  
Evan sat down and put his head between his knees. He stayed there for another hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to make something good with this idea, so stay with me, plz.  
> Any suggestions you have are SO welcome.  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!!!


	3. Colors are Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan gets his emotions. Except it is with the last person he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so I'm thinking of just wrapping this up somehow bc I don't really want to continue it if no one wants me to so plz let me know if I should

After almost an hour, Evan finally returned to school. 

He made sure Jared was nowhere to be seen before walking back in the doors. the bell was about to ring for lunch. 

Evan hugged the walls extra tightly on the way to his locker. He extracted his lunch and made his way slowly to the lunchroom, which was already filling up. He was moving towards his regular empty table in the back. Before he could get there, however, he heard someone call his name. He turned and found Zoe Murphy waving him over. 

He considered it.

But what would people think? it was ZOE MURPHY that was calling him over. Him. A nobody. an outcast. "Mr. Stutter". Surely that wouldn't go unnoticed. 

Sure enough, people were already giving him curious looks. 

He slowly made his way through the lunchroom to the Murphy's table. Zoe scooted over and patted the spot beside her. Evan sat down carefully as if the bench was made of glass. Cracked glass. over lava. in an endless abyss. in a black hole.

After greeting him, Zoe slowly but surely went back to her other conversations. Evan didn't mind. he didn't want to say anything completely stupid either. Eventually, he had finished his meager lunch and was growing anxious just sitting there. He got up and mumbled something about going to the bathroom. He got up and made his way out of the cafeteria, putting in his earbuds. he put on his playlist and decided to get his books for his next class. 

Before he could get to his locker, however, he was pushed from behind. Again. he stumbled and fell onto the ground. 

"What's up, loser?" The most annoying voice in the world said from behind him. Evan rolled over to find Jared standing above him. 

"What d-do you want, J-Jared?" Evan asked, despising his stutter. 

"Oh, nothing, Hansen. I want NOTHING from you. But i just was wondering... what's up with Zoe? first, it was just talking. now you're sitting at their table? What? couldn't get anyone else besides that slut to spread her legs for you?"

"Shut up, Jared." Evan growled.

"Ooh, big man's defensive. What? you don't like hearing that she opened her legs to any person that came around with a penis?"

Jared kicked him. Evan curled up on his side. Jared drew his fist back, but then someone grabbed his wrist. Jared spun around, and Evan could see Connor Murphy behind him. 

"Come on, Kleinman. Kicking a kid on the ground? now that's just low. Why don't you pick on someone who's not defenseless?" Connor said with a sarcastic smile. 

Evan would have been a little hurt had Connor not been helping him. So instead, he just sat there, defenseless. Just like Connor had said. 

"Whatever, Murphy." Jared said, turning away. He walked off down the hall. 

"You ok, Hansen?" Connor asked, stretching out a hand. 

Evan opened his mouth to answer, but right then he clasped Connor's hand. There was a flash, and Evan blacked out. 

 

 

When he woke up, he was still on the ground, but Connor was gone. He didn't understand what had happened. He was confused. and then he froze. Confused. He wasn't supposed to be confused. Confusion was an emotion. and that meant...

"Oh, no no no." Evan mumbled, grabbing his hair. This couldn't happen. He wasn't supposed to get his emotions. Especially not with Connor. Connor, Zoe's brother. Connor, the druggie. Connor, the person that was literally listed in the yearbook next to "least likely to get their emotions and have a soulmate". 

and now he did. and his soulmate was Evan Hansen. The nobody. The ghost. The one who broke his arm because he "fell" out of a tree. 

Evan scrambled to his feet and quickly got his books for his next class. 

 

After class, Evan decided to just skip the rest of school and just go home. 

He decided to skip taking a bus and just walk. he needed to be around nature, not a bunch of people with nowhere to go so they just ride the bus all day.

As he walked the five miles to his house, he had a lot of time to think. Connor was his soulmate. Connor Murphy. It was mind-blowing.

Evan had never heard of same-sex soulmates before, but it had to have happened before.

He opened the front door with the spare key under the fake rock by the door. he walked in, knowing his mom wouldn't be home. She barely was anymore. 

He went up to his room and curled up on his bed. He now knew what anxiety felt like. He was filled with it. It was overwhelming. it was like a tar that covered every part of him and refused to let him breathe. 

he breathed in, then out.  
In

Out

In

Out

In

Out

Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep.

 

The next day at school, Connor wasn't there. Evan was slightly disappointed, but mostly just relieved. That meant that he wouldn't have to deal with this soulmate business for at least another day. Unless he told his family. Or everyone. What if they all knew? Connor got stuck with Evan Hansen as a soulmate. 

But no one looked at him any differently, if they looked at him at all. 

 

It was three days before Evan saw Connor again. It wasn't till the middle of the next week that Connor acknowledged his existence. 

Little by little, Evan was shrinking. Shrinking because even his own soulmate, who was supposed to love and cherish him for who he is, wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't see him. Didn't care about him. 

He was purposely avoiding Evan. And Evan knew it. Every day, he got sadder, and it was like a slap in the face. He got his emotions, and yet all he felt was an overwhelming mix of Anxiety and sadness. To Evan, it wasn't even worth it. So he did the only thing he could think of. 

He skipped school. 

He went out in the morning like usual, but then just waited for his mom to leave before going back inside and doing absolutely nothing all day. 

The teachers weren't required to take attendance, and Evan had no friends to speak of that would miss him, so he didn't worry that his mom would find out. 

this went on for about a week before there was a knock on the door. Evan opened it to reveal the Murphys standing on his front step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there it is


	4. Sometimes its better not to feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is a huge dick. 
> 
>  
> 
> Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats up guys, im back!
> 
> Sorry I haven't updated or gotten a schedule going. School is a bitch when it comes to getting free time.
> 
> Hope u enjoy this chapter, there is a lot of angst. u have been warned.

Evan was shocked to see the Murphys on his porch. 

"Hey Evan. Zoe said. We just came to see you." Connor looked less than thrilled to be there, but Zoe was her usual bubbly self.

She looked at him expectantly.

"Oh, Do, do you w-want to come, come in?" Evan asked, moving out of the doorway. 

"Sure!" Zoe said. Connor rolled his eyes but followed.

Zoe and Connor sat on the couch, while Evan remained standing. 

Evan had no idea what to say, but of course, Zoe did.

"I want to know what's going on between you two." She said.

"Why would you think something was going on?" Connor asked, scowling.

"Well, one, every time I MENTION sweet Evan here, you get into a mood. Second, Evan was looking like a kicked puppy around school. Third, Evan has since skipped school. Fourth-"

"Ok, we get it, Zoe." Connor snapped.

"So I want to know what's going on. Did you guys get it on?" She asked.

"Seriously, zoe?" Connor asked.

What? It's a perfectly plausible explanation, and --"

"No, Zoe, we did not get it on! you know what else I didn't do? I didn't ask to get stuck with a stuttering FREAK as a soulmate! Why would I ever want to be SOULMATES with HIM?" Connor shoved Evan, causing him to fall to the ground. 

Zoe sat openmouthed, staring at Connor. 

Evan had shrunk with each word, each one a blow to him and that small spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, someone might love him  
someone might want him

someone might enjoy his company

someone might see him. 

Having said his peace, Connor stormed out.

Evan and Zoe sat in silence after Connor had left. He slowly got up and sat on the couch.

“Evan…” Zoe started.

Evan shook his head.

“J-just go, Zoe. I’m fine.”

“He’s your soulmate?” She whispered.

Evan said nothing.

“Oh my god, evan. I’m so sorry. Connor is such a dick.”

Evan nodded silently.

Zoe let out a small laugh. 

“I guess its kind of good, though. You get emotions, but you don’t have to be stuck with that shit for the rest of your life.”

Evan shook his head.

“It’s not like that, Zoe. I wanted a soulmate so someone would love me for me. Someone would want me around. Someone would finally see me.” He said sadly.

Zoe smiled slightly.

“Evan, I do believe that is not only the most I’ve heard you say, but the longest you have gone without a single stutter.”

Evan realized she was right.

That got him stuttering again. 

“I-I d-didn’t re-realize. That’s, um, that’s uh, cool, I g-guess.”

She rolled her eyes.

“well, it was nice while it lasted.”

Evan smiled slightly at that.

“look, I’m really sorry about Connor. It would suck if I had him as a soulmate.”

Evan’s smile disappeared. 

“I guess.”

“I’m going to go talk to him. But please come back to school.”

“I’ll, um, I’ll think a-about it.” Evan said, looking down.

“ok. And Evan,” She waited until he looked at her. “I like having you around. You’re a cool person. Remember that.” With that, she left. 

Evan sat in silence for a long while before going to his room and falling into a fitful sleep.

 

Evan did return to school the next day. 

Connor was facing him with the same hostility as before, maybe more. 

Evan was regretting every second of returning until, just once, Evan caught Connor looking with a look that was a mix of regret, sadness, and fondness on his face.

The look shocked him so much that he didn’t even register Connors scowl.

Ans slowly, so slowly, that little flame that had gone out, sparked to life.

 

A week later, Connor approached him. It was a gradual process. Evan caught him staring several times, Connor looking like he was about to say something but instead just turned away. 

“Evan.” 

Evan turned hesitantly and found Connor fidgeting behind him. 

“I-I just wanted to say…” Connor trailed off, but Evan just stood there. “I-I’m sorry. For yelling at you. And, and pushing you. I didn’t mean what I said. You’re not a freak. And your stutter is kind of endearing.” He said smiling a little. He gently put his hand on Evan's shoulder, but Evan involuntarily flinched. Connor’s smile disappeared and a look of great sadness came over his face. 

“I really am sorry.” He said, looking down. He walked away.

Before he had gotten far, Evan spoke.

“You weren’t wrong.” He said it so softly that Connor almost didn’t hear him.

“What?” He asked.

“You weren’t w-wrong. A-about what you, you said? I wouldn’t want to b-be my soul, m-my soulmate either. I am a stuttering f-freak, and you have every right to n-not want me. W-want me around.” This time, it was Evan that walked away. And Connor was too shocked to stop him.

 

 

Connor didn't know what to do with what Evan had said. it pained him to know that he caused Evan to feel that way. 

And he felt like crap about it. 

it tormented him all through the rest of the day and even into the night. He didn't want to be that person. He thought he had let that side of him go after... no. he wouldn't think about her. about what he put her through. 

He would rectify this. Some way. somehow. He smiled to himself. and he knew exactly how.

 

The next morning when Evan opened up his locker, there was a single rose inside. He looked around. There was no one nearby that would have put that there. So he figured it was Zoe just trying to make him feel better. He smiled at the thought.

Connor watched from down the hall as Evan opened his locker and found the rose Connor had placed there. There was first a look of utter confusion on Evan's face as he looked around, but when he looked back at the flower, he smiled slightly. and it felt like a punch in the stomach when Connor knew that Evan didn't think it was from him. His face said it all. But who else did he think would send it?

Zoe.

Of course he would think it was from Zoe. 

Because why would he think it was anyone else? Connor had been nothing but a jerk ever since they found out they were soulmates. 

Connor scowled and turned away, determined to somehow let evan know that he was the one that wanted Evan, that cared for him, and the one that saw him for who he was. Connor just hoped Evan would feel the same way when he found out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there it is, another chapter down. 
> 
> Hope u liked it. Let me know if u want more or less angst to come into this story and where u would like to see it go in the comments. Also, leave kudos! I get rlly happy whenever I see them, and they mean a lot.
> 
> Peace!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this.  
> feel free to leave comments. i will definitely read them, and they are so appreciated!  
> please leave kudos!


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